One minute you are blissfully happy, and then the next minute you feel confused why you ever let yourself think that “bliss” and “happy” were recent characteristics of your emotions. I live as an emotional being, and emotion is difficult to manipulate. Too much I think about how I am feeling, rather that think about how I can feel better–be better. I think too many of us live in a world that revolves around current feelings and emotions. My world is consumed with over sensitive mood swings and feelings.
“I feel bad.” “I feel happy.” I feel content.” “I feel lost.” I’m wondering if feeling is the root of the problem. What if rather than feeling one way or another, we simply just are what we are. What if we just accept what we are in a moment, rather than feeling bad or good about it. Why do we as humans insist it necessary to analyze what we are feeling. When we feel bad, we search our life and find out why we feel bad. Usually this leads us to realize misery is more than a feeling we have, but a lifestyle we subject ourselves to. FEELING makes us miserable. Now, stay with me here… don’t get me wrong, it is crucial you feel. But I think with feeling comes something else. Ignorance.
Let me elaborate. I had my 23rd birthday yesterday. All day I was feeling apathetic and unhappy. I spent the day wondering why I as feeling such a way, and when I realized that my apathy came from my unwillingness to change my point of view and feel differently, it occurred to me that feeling was my problem. I felt depressed. I felt sorry for myself. I didn’t feel like celebrating. I was so consumed with worrying about how I was feeling, I didn’t realize that I was suppressing my ability to feel GOOD. I was ignorant to the concept. I let feelings devour my birthday.
If I can learn how to live in a moment rather that analyze how the moment is making me feel, I think I can reach more happiness. It is hard to feel happy when so many parts of your mind and body are telling you to feel sad…or mad…or hurt…or frustrated. Our feelings consume us in such a way that we become ignorant of feeling any differently in that moment. So next time you have an overwhelming urge to feel a certain way, (and you think that feeling is doing more bad than good) remember that there are more feelings out there that you can experience…and I’ll try to remember this too.
In(Between) Dreams 
Your post was so appropriate for how I have been “feeling” myself lately. There was a line where you said “Usually this leads us to realize misery is more than a feeling we have, but a lifestyle we subject ourselves to”. just today I was running on the treadmill, looking out the window to my car and thinking about how I refuse to fix the windshield. It then occurred to me that when I drive around in a car that is rundown and broken, when I wear jeans to work instead of dressing up, or take a job that leaves me feeling ashamed of my employer and embarrassed to say I work there… well – I choose to live the life I lead. I think the little choices (or compromises) in life that I make have no overall affect – since they are so little…but in the end, a little bit of me that I value and respect is lost every day – until its hard to recognize who I am and what I stand for. I think your blog is insightful and bears some thinking! Thank you 🙂 (by the way – it’s never to late to make changes that evoke feelings of pride and satisfaction and self-respect – which eventually hopefully leads to never questioning oneself -but instead, loving oneself).
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