Cutting Ties

Knot makers. This is what we are.

We loop and pull. We find ways to make sense of things. To feel like we’re not just flying in the air. We tie ourselves to people. To places. To things. Our knots ground us. Connect us. Secure us.

What we don’t realize is that these knots are made of string. They can be cut. Just because you twist yourself into something you don’t know how to untie doesn’t mean it’s permanent. Eventually this knot you created finds its ends in other hands. It gets pulled tighter and tighter by outside forces. So tight that it digs into your skin when you pinch it. It feels like it’s a part of you. But it’s not. It’s an extension of your life. A direction that’s been set. A choice.

One cut, one decision, can free you. You can leave that mess of a knot behind. Let yourself float in the wind a bit. Eventually you’ll catch onto something new. You can choose what to tie yourself to. You can choose what to cut yourself away from. You choose.

Finding the scissors, now that’s a whole other strength.

Lost in the clutter of your life, the desire for change can become misplaced. We find ourselves frustrated with what we have. We put blame on things we don’t understand. We become complacent in our own ignorance.

Until we look in the junk drawer. We stumble upon a tool, an idea, that can show us a craving we didn’t realize we had. The scissors you now hold in your hand empowers you. You see what it takes. One cut of a knot can change your view. Once you do, the world is below you. You can finally see what is around you––where you can tie a new knot. You have options.

 

 

Stoplight blues

Today I was waiting at a red light at a cross-section that I drive through almost on the daily, and have been since I could drive…Except this time, waiting at the light, I felt like I didn’t belong there anymore. Looking around I realize I have had some great times and memories in this city. Sitting there, I wonder if I have done and experienced what I was meant to experience here. The thought came to my mind so suddenly, it felt more than just an “ah ha!” moment, but rather like a slap in the face.

Every year to me is like a new lifetime. Every year I feel a bit older and wiser, because I am, and I feel different. I can look back to my past lifetimes and still feel how I did then. It’s an odd sensation that I usually quickly shake out of my mind because it also brings me a claustrophobic feeling.

Lately, I haven’t been doing much. I can’t say I’m proud of anything I have created this summer simply because I haven’t created anything. I have not written, drawn, photographed, or designed anything all summer. What I have done is finished several decent Netflix TV shows, and explored Michigan a bit. This summer I totally wandered. I did whatever I felt like. My only commitment has been when I was scheduled to work. Other than that, I’ve been blissfully/painfully lazy.

This red light made me realize that maybe I have over stayed this stage of my life. Maybe my restlessness is coming from more than the anxiety of finishing my undergrad. It feels like NOW there is no better time for something new.