Perspective is the new happiness

A prompt. I’m always looking for one, hoping to stumble upon something that will get my ass moving in a particular direction. A prompt to do something, make a move, think a certain way. I could call it inspiration, but that word itself is daunting and often is seen as aloof when the lack of inspiration is what is causing the distraught disposition. So, a prompt is something more obtainable, less threatening.

Give me a word, I’ll expand on that.

Give me a feeling, I can expand on that too.

Maybe through a prompt, I can find, feel really, the inspiration that I want.

I want something to prompt my writing, I want something to prompt my motivation to workout, to eat healthily, to find a new mindset, essentially, to be happy. Because I’m finding happiness comes and it goes. It’s something I have to be mindful about. Because when I find myself not doing so hot, or letting my emotions get the best of me, I realize that I let my happiness run away from me. And that’s ok, sometimes I need to feel things other than happy to get a real grasp on my reality in order to live in a perspective that shows me what’s real, where I need to go, and how I should handle certain things. Because even though I can try to constantly be happy, life has its own agenda that sometimes does not match mine. When that happens, I realize happiness is not what I need to hold onto, but rather perspective. Just like happiness, perspective changes—it comes and goes and has different forms. It is what shows me new happiness, it helps me feel different, good. Good or bad, it definitely presents both, and in that perspective, I can realize that happiness doesn’t have to be stable. Realizing that happiness shifts makes the downs and the emotional rollercoasters easier to handle. Easier to navigate around.

I’m hard on myself, I know this. I constantly feel like I should be doing more, which boosts up my stress levels and I find anxiety is the only hand I’m holding.

I talk a lot of talk, preach a lot of preach, and struggle daily trying to hold myself up to my words. I find myself in a catch-22 often, or at least I feel that way.

Perspective. That’s one word that I really do think makes the entire difference. It’s what makes things important. It’s what makes things make sense. It directs happiness and shows you where you place your joy. In search of the perspective that I need, I often find myself aware of the lack of such a view and find myself grasping onto what I believe is true without realizing the possibility of an alternate reality. This is where we find ourselves getting taken out at the kneecaps, where our breath gets beat out of us, and we feel like we’re in a well with walls 1000 feet high. We get stuck in something that seems perpetual and we take it as so. Our ignorance keeps us from seeing past the walls that we put up. Our misery keeps us there, whispering sweet nothings into our ears until we feel that where we are is where we belong. It’s not until a passerby comes along to get some water that we realize there was a bucket and rope hanging right above us, we just had to look up.

Nic barrel guy

Today I am going to write about a boy.

24 years ago, today,  he was born a lil ol handsome fool–i’m sure. Today he is the most loving boyfriend I could ask for. The fact that he has put up with my insanity for over the past two years is a true feat, and that’s no exaggeration. This boy makes leaps and bounds for me. Truly. I am overwhelmingly grateful for him and all that he does, and I am damn proud to call him my boyfriend.

If it wasn’t for that drunken night at the Whiskey barrel I would not have known the kindness and thoughtfulness that runs deep to his soul. I would not have met my best friend…thankfully, I was plastered that night; saw this fellow sitting just off the dance floor, and then proceeded to go sit on his lap and ask him why he wasn’t dancing.

Best. Night. Ever.

…I didn’t know it at the time, but it was. It was like life sat me in the lap of exactly the person I needed to meet.

From there it has been the longest two years of my life. Never have I ever cherished every day, and was simply excited to spend it with him.  He is motivated when he wants to be, goofy most of the time, hungry all the time, gassy after every meal, stubborn when I don’t want him to be, and loving every single moment of every day. He is my foundation when I need to feel grounded, and my kite when I need to fly.

Today is this kids birthday, and I hope it is a great day because, hun, you aren’t getting younger. I remember when I was younger feeling so excited to just wake up on my birthday. I would open my door– streamers flew in my face, and the living room was covered with even more. I loved it, and I want him to feel like we did when we were kids–so freaking excited about everything on our birthday.

Cake!

Friends!

Presents!

Hot dogs!

Pokemon cards!

Water balloons!

Games!

Money!

For me, the only thing that has changed is that the growing number of obscene Pokemon has motivated me to utilize my time more wisely. haha

So, cheers to a great day Nicholas Rae! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I love you! I’m SO proud of your hard efforts and dedication. You deserve the world and a nice big piece of cake ❤

Isn't this birthday boy a cutie?!
Isn’t this birthday boy a cutie?!