After the rain

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The sweet wind after the brief rainfall fills my loft. The sun streaks into my windows giving the room a golden glow. The bass from the Glass Animals radio station lightly shakes the wood floors. This is a brief timeless beauty. I enter it in a daze, and gaze out the window looking over the wet bright streets of Old Town–thick clouds off in the distance. The moment stays long and dramatic, lingering in the moment–as if  catching up with an old friend. The cool wind against the hot sticky air produces a sweet–perfect– breeze into my golden lit loft.

I hear a soft “Hey you.” behind me in the thick daze. I turn around and see my love standing there–delighted it’s him.

Blueberry Coffee ADD

Getting out of the car, I grab my backpack from the passenger seat and my large purse in one sweep and throw them over my shoulder. With the same hand, I grab my traveling coffee cup. In my attempt to swiftly get out of my car, my coffee mug decides it wants to check out the snowy asphalt and proceeds to spill its contents of wonderful blueberry coffee all over the ground. I feel powerless with both my large bags on one shoulder, and coffee now all over my boots. I sit there for a split second wondering how to pick up my cup. I feel my bags catching on things in my car, holding me back from easily picking up the open cup. I think it is a good idea to grab the top first, then realize it wasn’t the best move. My hand and more of my boots now are garnished with my blueberry coffee.

As I’m walking up the stars to my loft, still wet handed, I think of how this blueberry coffee spill is a great example of the struggles of my life. I often have blueberry coffee experiences. I  frequently feel overcome with the un-organization of my life. 22 years young, I realize that my life consists of organized chaos/frustrations.

I lug around a large purse, filled with unnecessary items that have somehow found a home in my bag. They remain in my purse for one of the two reasons

1. Most likely, I didn’t take the time to analyze what is in my purse, so “trash” builds up.

2. I keep things in my purse for future needs (which rarely/never needed)

So, for those 2 reasons, I lug around a large purse filled with CRAP. Everywhere I go my right shoulder is slightly lower than my left from the weight of my purse. I’m wondering why I let unorganized efforts rule my life.

SO often I feel frustrated because “acts of the universe” get in my way. However, I am now seeing that these frustrations are because of my own organized/unorganized chaos.

I strive to be one of those people who have a house clean with no junk draws/cabinets/bedrooms. I really do try  strive to keep my house clean. Maybe it has to do with the high score I got from an online ADD test…

That being said, I now SEE that my life feels chaotic because I make it chaotic. Not the best feeling this gives me, but at least I can’t blame the universe for every coffee spill/bags dropped/lost phone/messy room. This next week I will organize this chaos into something more easy. 

Hello…Universe?

So…This is me, hi.

Photo on 2014-08-13 at 12

I want to talk about a personal topic that I think many people go through. Tonight I’ve been having a lot of thoughts zooming around in my brain. Bottom line is this: I am the person I am because of the opportunities I took, and the opportunities I didn’t take.  I feel blessed to be at the place I am in life right now. I have a loving support system, and have people I love very much. I’m healthy. I’m young. I keep an open mind. But there’s a phrase that often enters my mind that absolutely terrifies me. 

“You have the whole world in front of you”

Those 9 words hold a lot of responsibility. Almost too much. I’m here thinking to myself, “how am I suppose to take control of that concept?” It sounds silly, I know. But those words hold a great deal of weight on my shoulders. I do infact, have the whole world in front of me! It’s my responsibility to turn that phrase into tangible reality! WHOA. Let me clarify what I feel like when I think about that concept:

So, lil ol me often has the crazy switch turned on in my brain. I’m trying so hard to figure out what I am suppose to do with the whole world in front of me. What am I suppose to do with my life? Am I suppose to join the peace core? Am I suppose to get a masters degree? Am I suppose to travel the world?

I guess this is me asking the universe WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO?! 

I have a great vision for my future. I believe I have found a way to create the most success for myself, while helping out many people. I am very happy and excited about my business plans. Still, it’s like I have constant butterflies inside me fluttering around making me worry about everything. I worry about every little thing. Right now, I’m not worried that I made the wrong decision about the path I chose to take. I’m very secure and happy with my path. I’m worried that the universe has different plans for me, and I’m running the other way.

Does anyone else feel this way?! 

Even when you feel like the top of the world, do you ever have a feeling that you could be happier being/doing something else? It’s a strange concept to wrap your head around, I know, but I’m trying to make a point with all of this.

I think whatever path we choose to take in life is the right one. Sure, we might take the hard way. Maybe we’ll pass some major mountains and cliffs along the way. But the only way to see if you made all the right decisions in life is to jump off that cliff of uncertainty and believe that you can fly.

“Aerodynamically, the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know it so it goes on flying anyway.”
-mary kay ash

So maybe I’m answering my own question here. Maybe we don’t need to know the answer. Maybe we are meant to live life the way we choose to live it, and there’s no set plan in the universe for us. Maybe EVERY path is the right path. We just have to make that decision…