Tag: feelings

It happens in a moment

Life as we know it. What is it exactly? You think you know what it feels like to be in whatever life you have, then BOOM, it–oh so suddenly–is something different. How can time make life feel so different? How can something that was once so familiar become to feel so distant, and odd? Realizing it tho. That’s what’ll get ya. The feeling comes so quickly. You know, it’s kinda like the feeling you’d have trying to catch butterflies while running down an avalanche. Super unsettling. Super strange. Super unstoppable. No answers as to why or how. Just that feeling. And then, BOOM, you’re pulled back into your current reality…you look up from the picture the ground painted and move forward.

Something you thought you wanted, suddenly seems unworthy. Something you were so unsure about, suddenly has a distinct direction.

The kitchen floor your bare feet scuffle on is now different. Your daily routine starts to actually resemble a routine. Your waist is thinner. Your views are more colorful. People leave. People come.

 

Life gets different.

 

And you adapt to it; unaware of the smells and sights you used to know drifting further and further away from your consciousness. It’s only until a moment, a moment that the life you know dissipates, where something is catapulted back into your mind.

‘Hmm. That feels like something I used to know.’

But you can’t keep onto it. As quickly as it comes, it goes. All that’s left is that feeling of uneasiness because you know you just missed something. It’s like a dream that you know you vividly dreamt, but when you wake you suddenly can’t remember a lick of–only the lingering feeling of it. Floating in this awkward presence, your past life rubs with your current. Just enough to remind you that you lived once before.

Too many feelings for one person

One minute you are blissfully happy, and then the next minute you feel confused why you ever let yourself think that “bliss” and “happy” were recent characteristics of your emotions. I live as an emotional being, and emotion is difficult to manipulate. Too much I think about how I am feeling, rather that think about how I can feel better–be better. I think too many of us live in a world that revolves around current feelings and emotions. My world is consumed with over sensitive mood swings and feelings.

“I feel bad.” “I feel happy.” I feel content.” “I feel lost.” I’m wondering if feeling is the root of the problem. What if rather than feeling one way or another, we simply just are what we are. What if we just accept what we are in a moment, rather than feeling bad or good about it. Why do we as humans insist it necessary to analyze what we are feeling. When we feel bad, we search our life and find out why we feel bad. Usually this leads us to realize misery is more than a feeling we have, but a lifestyle we subject ourselves to. FEELING makes us miserable. Now, stay with me here… don’t get me wrong, it is crucial you feel. But I think with feeling comes something else. Ignorance.

Let me elaborate. I had my 23rd birthday yesterday. All day I was feeling apathetic and unhappy. I spent the day wondering why I as feeling such a way, and when I realized that my apathy came from my unwillingness to change my point of view and feel differently, it occurred to me that feeling was my problem. I felt depressed. I felt sorry for myself. I didn’t feel like celebrating. I was so consumed with worrying about how I was feeling, I didn’t realize that I was suppressing my ability to feel GOOD. I was ignorant to the concept. I let feelings devour my birthday.

If I can learn how to live in a moment rather that analyze how the moment is making me feel, I think I can reach more happiness. It is hard to feel happy when so many parts of your mind and body are telling you to feel sad…or mad…or hurt…or frustrated. Our feelings consume us in such a way that we become ignorant of feeling any differently in that moment. So next time you have an overwhelming urge to feel a certain way, (and you think that feeling is doing more bad than good) remember that there are more feelings out there that you can experience…and I’ll try to remember this too.