I guess you notice it when you look up

I had a mountain. A big one.

I have a city. A big one.

Right in front of my eyes, I’ve watched things manifest.

I’ve always said I wanted to move to Colorado, live on the side of a mountain, and wear flannel every day. Well, I did that. All of it.

Then, I said I wanted the city. I wanted to feel small among all the cool people of Denver. And well, I feel that. It’s hard not to.

Looking out, I get perspective. Quite literally. I’m lucky, where I live. Where I have been. What I have been able to do.

I want a mountain. So one was sat right in front of me.

I want a city. So it becomes my skyline.

I want something new. So, my everything becomes new.

I don’t know if it’s the universe. I don’t know if it’s my thoughts. I don’t know if it’s God. I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence. But everything I have wanted, in a way, finds me. Definitely never in the way I expect, nor necessarily want. For sure not in the timely manner I hope. It usually finds me hanging upside down, hair reaching for the ground, cheeks drooping into my eyes. It finds me and tells me to turn right-side up. Eh, it’s more of a yell.

What is it? Perspective?  Hope? Dedication? I couldn’t tell ya. I’m sure some book will tell me it’s the manifestation of my thoughts. Or that is the compound of all the little things. Or it’s the doing, or plan, of a greater being.

I don’t want to make it sound like everything goes my way. Because the same way things turn out for me, my horrors are just as present. I know what I don’t want, and that is exactly that what I get sometimes.

Maybe it’s just being aware, like hyper-aware of circumstances mingling with my thoughts. Manifestations find me in a way that makes me wonder, did I do that? What made that happen? Like, for real?

It’s comical, really. I have been feeling off lately. Off in the kind of way that is indescribable. I’ve been busy. I’ve had a lot of fun. I don’t let myself get too high in the moments. More figuratively than literally.

I’ve found myself content, and to be honest, it is a foreign feeling.

It’s so foreign that I actually feel myself trying to hijack the good part of the feeling. It’s like I know something’s going to be wrong, or something’s going to happen, so I prepare myself to be worse off. I fucking expect it.

But then I see the city line. The long, tall towers reflecting the moonlight onto everything else.

I get the perspective I need. In such a way that it knocks me out of my shoes.

make a wish…it might just come true



Stretchy workout pants are ON

Today is June 1st. I had all intentions to wake up early before work so I could ease into my day. However, I woke up right when I was suppose to leave for my morning shift. Every morning is a struggle. I love the feeling of being awake for the early hours of the day, but the process of actually waking up is a battle every time. When I do wake up early I like to play a lil game called “how much can I get done before noon.” This morning I was not able to play that game. Even though I was able to get off my shift early, I was peer pressured to have a mimosa at the bar. Of course, me being easily convinced, I enjoyed my dose of vitamin C, granted it was more champagne than anything…

I arrived home with the intention to do something productive, then immediately became preoccupied looking through facebook…oops. It’s still early in the day though, and I just drank a pre-workout drink, so it’s safe to say that productivity is on the horizon. I’ve got my stretchy workout pants on, and shaking my loft with some Glass Animals radio station on Pandora. It’s quite nice how loud our speakers get.

So, now I am waiting the 20 minutes I am suppose to wait after I drink my pre-workout. I am actually pretty excited to go for a run today. It has been a great while since I went for a run. Running use to be part of my daily routine. Every day I would have to go for a run or else I would feel off.  But for the past few months, since December, I have yet to set myself up for a run. No intention has been made. I have honestly been a lazy couch potato, eating anything and everything I desire. It’s gotten bad. Usually, I strive to be healthy and make every attempt to keep a healthy lifestyle. I don’t know how I have swayed so far away from it.

 I guess, June 1st sounds like a good day to start something. So today I am going to get back on track with a healthy lifestyle. I am going to attempt to run 2 miles outside on the River Trail today. It’s 100% probable I won’t make the full 2 miles running, but I WILL make it to 2 miles. I want to start a cleanse of some sort as well. I am pretty well known for doing cleanses, but I think I want to look into something I haven’t tried before. I need something that is at least 1 week long. My birthday is June 30th, so I also am looking into a month long workout program. I figure I can’t blog about pigging out ALL the time…

Let's do this
Let’s do this