Category: It’s your life…

Too many feelings for one person

One minute you are blissfully happy, and then the next minute you feel confused why you ever let yourself think that “bliss” and “happy” were recent characteristics of your emotions. I live as an emotional being, and emotion is difficult to manipulate. Too much I think about how I am feeling, rather that think about how I can feel better–be better. I think too many of us live in a world that revolves around current feelings and emotions. My world is consumed with over sensitive mood swings and feelings.

“I feel bad.” “I feel happy.” I feel content.” “I feel lost.” I’m wondering if feeling is the root of the problem. What if rather than feeling one way or another, we simply just are what we are. What if we just accept what we are in a moment, rather than feeling bad or good about it. Why do we as humans insist it necessary to analyze what we are feeling. When we feel bad, we search our life and find out why we feel bad. Usually this leads us to realize misery is more than a feeling we have, but a lifestyle we subject ourselves to. FEELING makes us miserable. Now, stay with me here… don’t get me wrong, it is crucial you feel. But I think with feeling comes something else. Ignorance.

Let me elaborate. I had my 23rd birthday yesterday. All day I was feeling apathetic and unhappy. I spent the day wondering why I as feeling such a way, and when I realized that my apathy came from my unwillingness to change my point of view and feel differently, it occurred to me that feeling was my problem. I felt depressed. I felt sorry for myself. I didn’t feel like celebrating. I was so consumed with worrying about how I was feeling, I didn’t realize that I was suppressing my ability to feel GOOD. I was ignorant to the concept. I let feelings devour my birthday.

If I can learn how to live in a moment rather that analyze how the moment is making me feel, I think I can reach more happiness. It is hard to feel happy when so many parts of your mind and body are telling you to feel sad…or mad…or hurt…or frustrated. Our feelings consume us in such a way that we become ignorant of feeling any differently in that moment. So next time you have an overwhelming urge to feel a certain way, (and you think that feeling is doing more bad than good) remember that there are more feelings out there that you can experience…and I’ll try to remember this too.

Blueberry Coffee ADD

Getting out of the car, I grab my backpack from the passenger seat and my large purse in one sweep and throw them over my shoulder. With the same hand, I grab my traveling coffee cup. In my attempt to swiftly get out of my car, my coffee mug decides it wants to check out the snowy asphalt and proceeds to spill its contents of wonderful blueberry coffee all over the ground. I feel powerless with both my large bags on one shoulder, and coffee now all over my boots. I sit there for a split second wondering how to pick up my cup. I feel my bags catching on things in my car, holding me back from easily picking up the open cup. I think it is a good idea to grab the top first, then realize it wasn’t the best move. My hand and more of my boots now are garnished with my blueberry coffee.

As I’m walking up the stars to my loft, still wet handed, I think of how this blueberry coffee spill is a great example of the struggles of my life. I often have blueberry coffee experiences. I  frequently feel overcome with the un-organization of my life. 22 years young, I realize that my life consists of organized chaos/frustrations.

I lug around a large purse, filled with unnecessary items that have somehow found a home in my bag. They remain in my purse for one of the two reasons

1. Most likely, I didn’t take the time to analyze what is in my purse, so “trash” builds up.

2. I keep things in my purse for future needs (which rarely/never needed)

So, for those 2 reasons, I lug around a large purse filled with CRAP. Everywhere I go my right shoulder is slightly lower than my left from the weight of my purse. I’m wondering why I let unorganized efforts rule my life.

SO often I feel frustrated because “acts of the universe” get in my way. However, I am now seeing that these frustrations are because of my own organized/unorganized chaos.

I strive to be one of those people who have a house clean with no junk draws/cabinets/bedrooms. I really do try  strive to keep my house clean. Maybe it has to do with the high score I got from an online ADD test…

That being said, I now SEE that my life feels chaotic because I make it chaotic. Not the best feeling this gives me, but at least I can’t blame the universe for every coffee spill/bags dropped/lost phone/messy room. This next week I will organize this chaos into something more easy.