This is it, the end of college. Shit. I mean, hooray!

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“I should ask them for a ride,” said the girl from my class as we were walking out of the building. She was talking about a pickup truck stopped at the stoplight  with 4 rowdy college boys in the bed of it–no tailgate. I laughed. (It’s one of the first nice days after dealing with yucky winter, so as you can see people were celebrating.) Then the next moment she is running across the street to really ask them for a ride! After a little budging, 3 guys inside open the doors and let her jump in. I laugh again in disbelief–mostly at the fact that she literally just jumped into a truck full of people she doesn’t know. (Now I know you may be thinking that a girl getting into a car full of strange guys isn’t the smartest, but keep in mind that this happened in broad daylight and Spartans tend to generally see the good in people.) 

After the light turned red again, I crossed the street and preceded to walk to my bus stop across campus. Along the way I couldn’t but help but think about that girl. Not that what she did was a bad or dangerous decision, but that I wish I could be as spontaneous as that. I would never do something that crazy and out of the blue. I mean, I do do spontaneous things sometimes, but never have I decided something that quick! That truck was waiting for the light to turn green. When I saw them, my only thought was “haha that’s funny.” While, this girl was already thinking about running over and asking them for a ride!

 

Lately, I have been searching for some inspiration.  Finishing up my last semester of college has got me seriously freaking out about the fucking future. I’m graduating from a Big 10 University, and I STILL don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. My plan was to have this figured out by now. It’s only been this last year that I have actually begun to enjoy my major. So, what should I do?

No idea here.

So. That is why I am searching for some inspiration. I need to find out what makes me excited about life. What makes me passionate. I have began to feel a lot of inspiration and passion for a business of mine, but I’m looking for even more. I’m looking for a  new mindset, and a happy balance in life. I know whatever journey I am about to embark on is not going to be easy. The lost and wandering college grad doesn’t get it’s bad rep from nothing. But, I’m actually excited about this part of my life. Now, that statement might totally bite me in the ass here soon, but I’m keeping an open mind.

So, back to the girl who jumped in the truck. She reminded me that life is about living! I gotta get out there! Too often I find myself cooped up not taking any risks. AND I’M SO BORED. Not to say that my life is boring, but I am bored with doing the same ol shit sometimes. I’m craving something brand spankin new, even if it scares the poop out of me.

Netflix, it’s been real. But I’ve gotta cut down our chill time. It’s not you, you’re great. Seriously, great. It’s me…

 

Too many feelings for one person

One minute you are blissfully happy, and then the next minute you feel confused why you ever let yourself think that “bliss” and “happy” were recent characteristics of your emotions. I live as an emotional being, and emotion is difficult to manipulate. Too much I think about how I am feeling, rather that think about how I can feel better–be better. I think too many of us live in a world that revolves around current feelings and emotions. My world is consumed with over sensitive mood swings and feelings.

“I feel bad.” “I feel happy.” I feel content.” “I feel lost.” I’m wondering if feeling is the root of the problem. What if rather than feeling one way or another, we simply just are what we are. What if we just accept what we are in a moment, rather than feeling bad or good about it. Why do we as humans insist it necessary to analyze what we are feeling. When we feel bad, we search our life and find out why we feel bad. Usually this leads us to realize misery is more than a feeling we have, but a lifestyle we subject ourselves to. FEELING makes us miserable. Now, stay with me here… don’t get me wrong, it is crucial you feel. But I think with feeling comes something else. Ignorance.

Let me elaborate. I had my 23rd birthday yesterday. All day I was feeling apathetic and unhappy. I spent the day wondering why I as feeling such a way, and when I realized that my apathy came from my unwillingness to change my point of view and feel differently, it occurred to me that feeling was my problem. I felt depressed. I felt sorry for myself. I didn’t feel like celebrating. I was so consumed with worrying about how I was feeling, I didn’t realize that I was suppressing my ability to feel GOOD. I was ignorant to the concept. I let feelings devour my birthday.

If I can learn how to live in a moment rather that analyze how the moment is making me feel, I think I can reach more happiness. It is hard to feel happy when so many parts of your mind and body are telling you to feel sad…or mad…or hurt…or frustrated. Our feelings consume us in such a way that we become ignorant of feeling any differently in that moment. So next time you have an overwhelming urge to feel a certain way, (and you think that feeling is doing more bad than good) remember that there are more feelings out there that you can experience…and I’ll try to remember this too.