The girl with calloused feet

You don’t know her world, but how could you?

She sees different colors.

You don’t feel the tightrope that cuts through her feet and makes her feel strong.

She walks it alone. 

You don’t feel how her thoughts surround her.

She feels it all. 

Sometimes she doesn’t know if she’s falling, or if she’s dancing,

So she embraces both. 

 

We’re all jealous of the flying dragon

Do you know the level in Spyro where you have to fly through hoops and when you do a sound that you would image magic sounds like echoes through your speakers? Yeah, I want that. I want to have a path outlined for me reassuring me along the way that I’m doing the right thing. I actually fantasize about this image often. I can hear that magic ring as I get closer to the finish, and the best part is if I mess up I can try it again. And again. And again until I get what I want. Oh, wouldn’t that be nice?

But unfortunately, life isn’t as magical as the world of Spyro. The dragon in me is a little less cute, and a lot more realistic.

I think part of me has been waiting for the resemblance of a lit up path to appear to me guiding me to a destination, but no such path has materialized. So, understanding that this is not the way to go I look for other things. Possibilities. And there’s a lot of those which is good because I like options. Realizing that there’s no one right way is part of the battle, another part is following through with the moving part of it. You have to move your feet, move your mind, move into a mindset that will get you somewhere you want to be. I’m only now realizing that your destination doesn’t have to be an end all situation. Hell, you don’t even have to know your destination. It’s the journey that’s important. It’s the journey that takes up your time, it’s where you put in the effort, it’s where things matter.

You are actively creating your journey as you go whether you know it or not. You move from the punches being thrown at you, you leap to new places, you find new people, and the whole time your path is changing. Every encounter, every dream is taking you to a place that you don’t know yet. And that’s the real beauty of not having a path.

Murphy, you motherfucker.

It’s freaky how accurate my zodiac sign is. Today my horoscope warned me of the power of Murphy’s law. Its power not being much of a power but a warning in of itself stating that “what can go wrong will go wrong.”

I laughed at this.

Murphy’s law is a joke I have with myself. I feel Murphy. I feel him good and often. He’s the one who taught me to expect the worse. He’s the one who showed me what the back of my head looks like.

While he takes almost everything, he gives one thing.

Strength.

He’s given me strength in ways I never wanted nor expected. Preparation for a downfall—doesn’t get more romantic than that.

He’s stripped me down to just my skin too many times to count. No matter what I decorate myself with he’ll get his long fingers on me and rip away what I think I know. He’s shredded my conceptions, cut my legs off at my knees, and replaced my eyeballs with grey ones leaving me to look up watching the pieces of my life scatter across the sky.

It would be easy to name him my enemy.

But in its definition, an enemy is a thing that harms or weakens something else. So while Murphy’s ability to harm is uncanny, his power to weaken carries a more complicated definition.

Murphy is no enemy of mine. He’s a companion who walks beside me showing me what there is to see. He has no bias, no opinion, and no voice. He walks discriminating against no one as he carries the truth.

He is the threshold of fairness whether we like it or not.

The happenings of your mind

It’s the sound your mind makes. When you drift off into yourself, and reality gets pushed behind. It’s something you don’t notice until you are snapped back into realness.

Inspiration can be found in anything you find beautiful. Whether it be an ugly beauty, or the definition of it, it can stir something within you. Sometimes its effect is great. Sometimes it’s meant to stay in that moment. Wherever you find it, keep it close. Let it ignite your ambitions, and steer your flight.

Lights connecting in your brain, ideas begin to shine through the rest of it all. You get lost in the paths intertwining, creating a maze of thoughts–the kind where there’s no way out.

You know, it’s kind of like those drawings you would make as a kid–at least the kind I would make. Where you make lines and shapes on a page of paper without picking up your utensil, and you find a way to connect it all. Then, you fill in each shape made with different colors, creating a map of colors. That’s what I imagine creativity taking shape from inspiration looks like.

And my favorite part about it? No two drawings look the same. It’s like a snowflake but cooler. It’s created solely from your beautiful mind.

You have it in you. Everyone does. At different extents. Different pictures get painted. Some people use colors that others don’t. That’s what makes thought so interesting.

Embracing it is a whole ‘nother level of beauty. That’s the kind that inspires others. People living with this breadth are my favorite kind of people. Life seems better when you surround yourself with thinkers.

 

Where we gonna go from here

Change up that song you’re listening to. For me, it happened around a bend. I find beauty and excitement in not knowing what there’s to see around this bend. When I get around it I see something I don’t expect–clarity. I swear my heart jumps a beat as the moment takes my breath away.

THIS is how I want to feel.

I want to feel excited about something I know nothing about yet. I want to be excited about it all, feel it all, and take as much of it as I can in.

It–being life, I suppose.

I feel like I have been in the indecisive stage of my life for way too long. I haven’t really found a focus towards any particular passion. I hit a rut. Feeling stuck and  unsure about most things.

Moving on though, I realize a few things. I have this fire in me that wants to do something big and awesomeI want to push myself to new places and feelings. I want be on the track to discover the best me.

There will always be something that holds one back. So you just have to ask yourself. Do you want to sing something new? There’s a lot of shit that we force ourselves to deal with. Stress. Overworking. Exhaustion. Boredom. Indifference. There’s more out there– you know it too! Stop pretending or making excuses as to why you can’t do something you want to do. So you gotta think, besides the impossible,  what the hell is holding you back? Find out, and karate kick it away!

Do the lost tend to stay lost?

It has been difficult organizing my thoughts. I thought it would be easy–I thought good writing topics would just spew out of my finger tips. I have been fearfully mistaken. When a thought brews in my mind I think, “this is a great theme to write about.” But then just as fast as the thought enters my head, it is whimsically carried away and lost in the wind storm of my mind.

 Cliche as it sounds, this summer was supposed to be a big one for me. This is the last summer before I am finished with school at my University. I feel like I NEED to get my shit together before my next semester starts up, or this next school year will be perpetually out of balance. With this new summer air, my mind has been lost in the anticipation of camping trips, weddings, beaching, day drinking, and other summer shenanigans. I live out my work week telling myself  “just two more shifts, and then I am on vacation.” This mentality is catching up to me. The summer is going by faster than desired. It’s like each month is gone in a week. It’s freaking my out that the time I have dedicated to finding peace within myself seems to be dwindling just as fast as every sunset. Days are passing me by, and I am beginning to wonder if I am doing what I am suppose to be doing. 

Ever wish you could have a peak at the plan the universe has set up for you? Well, I think about this all the time. I’m not one for believing in destiny, but I do wonder who I will become in the next 10 years and if I am on the right path to reach who I want to become. The way I think about it is the universe puts opportunity after opportunity in your reach. As soon as you reach out for one of these copious opportunities, the trajectory of your life shifts. Some are larger than others, but all decisions made by us lead us to our future selves. Of course, there are forces out of our control and I cannot speak on how to react to these because honestly, I have idea how to. I still get frustrated and sometimes hate the uncontrollable forces that appear in my life.

I think I would like to meet a monk, and get a look at what it looks like to have ALL your shit together and to be so close to the divine that the understanding of the world runs through you. I am fine with accepting that I probably will never know how to be a devoted being like a monk or guru–I am FAR too emotional. But I do strive to experience the beauty of inner peace. I’m beginning to feel that this is the path I should choose live by. Physical life is not satisfying me in the way that I need. I am self destructive, and I need to go beyond my physical life to fix it. I need to open myself up to begin a spiritual journey, or I fear I will stay lost. My hope is, the lost do not stay lost.